This year I decided to create a New Year’s intention versus a New Year’s resolution. Sounds much nicer, don’t you think? Whereas a resolution is “a firm decision to do or not do something,” an intention is “a thing to be achieved, an aim or a plan”. 

To me that instantly strips away the anxiety and/or the fear of failure and allows me to set realistic goals around my intention – whatever that may be.  So, what is this year’s intention?

For me, it is simply to start saying ‘no’ to things I WANT to do but DON’T really have time for. I am a people person, I love seeing my friends, the gym, coffee dates, hikes in the summer, and my bunco nights. All these are great things, BUT what I have found is that when I cram too many of these things in between my normal priorities/responsibilities. The quality of the time I am giving suffers and I am not able to be fully present.  

 Saying ‘no’ to a hopeful or expectant person can be challenging. It is way easier to say no or to make an excuse when the offer is less appealing. It can be sad or painful to say no to a wonderful opportunity like a girl’s weekend away or an evening out, so I have to remind myself that these aren’t the priorities that I had intentionally set for the day or week.  If you struggle with in this area, here are few things that I am finding helpful:  

1.    When presented with an opportunity or an invitation, I take a moment before responding and ask myself if I really have the time. Whether it is a coffee date or a trip, I cannot say ‘yes’ until I know that it isn’t going to interfere with my priorities or cause me to lose focus of my goals. 

2.    Ask yourself “what is the total commitment?” In the past, when helping with an event, I would never really question the time involved. I once helped with an event that I thought would take 1 hour of my time and it ended up being a 4 hour event that I felt stuck at - I wasn’t clear about the time I could contribute. Using sentences like, “I would love to help but I can only give you one hour on Monday afternoon and 2 hours on the weekend.” Being specific not only helps you to set boundaries but it also gives the receiver a clear commitment. 

3.    Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty for protecting the time you need to work on your key priorities. 

4.    Do a physical/emotional check. If your schedule is stressing you out, causing you to wake up at night, or making you anxious then take a moment to listen to those warning signals and eliminate unnecessary stressors. Running myself ragged doesn’t lead to growth, it leads to feelings of resent and frustration and takes the joy out of what was meant to be a blessing.  

I’m finding that there is strength in saying ‘no’ and as I continue to practice, it’s getting easier to do! -Coach Sylvia